"Them are ours. They're all shorted out though, we threw em away. I don't know how they got back up here."
If you want to know how that should sound, say "Them R.R.s", as in
"them abbreviated railroads" and you're in the house.
Ok- I'm already off mission of the community here, because my question is WHY, not HOW, Is That Funny? It's not just the poor english skills, because if he'd said "Those be ours'ns", "We gots those", or "Th' cabbas belong to they peoples", it wouldn't have struck me as funny.
No, there's something deep and philologically more intricate about that pronunciation than any other malediction possible in the situation. Something about "them are ours" is just more...Walt Kelly/Pogo.
We Southern people have the habit of exaggerating our accent even more when we're being sarcastic, or trying to imply we're in on our own stereotype. When you write it down, it almost sounds like that's what he was trying to do, but after a couple more minutes of talking to him, its clear that really was how he talked all the time.
And GOD, it sounded funny! Even if you eat grits. Again, this isn't a "southern people talk weird, ain't it wacky? heewack!" post, but more me wondering why one verbal dysfluency is hilarious, and others, just kinda annoying.